Movers & Shakers

During a recent night out, the cab drivers radio was blaring out the Doctor Hook classic " A little bit more". The cheesy appeal of the good Doctor seemed lost on our humble cab driver and he looked at us rather non-plussed when asked if the tune was , indeed, "floating his boat". The "Hook", as they shall be known from now on, seemed omnipresent on Top of the Pops during the 70's and were always memorable due to their one-eyed, eye patch-wearing, Maraca - shaking, member Ray Sawyer (and, yes I am aware of the duality of the phrase - one eyed member). Now , given that he did offer up some vocals, the subject of conversation then turned to Bands /Artists who had a non-musical member/sidekick.

Next up, and for your delight, - Jed. You remember him, don't you? The little mime friend of 1980's electronic pop troubadour, Howard Jones (Who said the '80's was a shite time for music?). Now, Jed was truly awful. I can only describe his dancing as that of some old, crusty hippy dancing around a campfire offering thanks to the Sun and/or the Moon or your father trying to breakdance at a wedding. I have a personal hatred of all things Mime and feel that they are, in fact, the only thing on this planet that I would never tire of kicking. This also reminds me of a story from the days of 1970's Football Hooliganism, whereby an old friend of mine used to sing "Leather, Leather, Leather - All together" as he introduced members of the opposing team's fan club to his own good Doctor - "Dr. Marten". Now, where was I?

Ah, yes. Those who do not bring a lot to the musical table. I have saved the best for last. So, without further ado;

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - Bez".

Permanently whacked off of his gourd on disco biscuits, Bez was another fine exponent of the mighty Maraca and was to be found shakin' 'n' a struttin' his way around the stage with the Happy Mondays. The Mondays drug intake is legendary, almost a UK version of Aerosmith, although I'm not sure if Mr (Going down?) Tyler & Co. ever fed amphetamines to a flock of pigeons. At one point, Bez even held the world record for Maraca shaking, when he, along with 406 other Maraca-equipped dudes, climbed onto a stage in Manchester and shook his stuff along to the Mondays' version of "Step On". He also, bizarrely, won Celebrity Big Brother in 2005, all of which goes to prove that Mr Warhol's 15 minutes of Fame theory has always been a complete load of arse.

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.” ~ Dorothy Parker