It Ain't Me Babe

Checking out the new edition of Uncut magazine, I thumbed through their Bob Dylan fold out, giveaway, freebie, what have you and was struck by how much his Bobness now resembles Vincent Price. All that was needed was for Bob to be holding a jar of Haywards pickled onions and the transformation would have been complete.

I have never really got Dylan; sure I own his albums and am particularly fond of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan", but, as great a songwriter as he is, I have never really gone Ape over his stuff. I think his songs lend themselves very well to cover versions, but, Sir Bob's voice has never really yanked my particular crank. I went to see Heir Zimmerman at Brixton, about 12 years ago and he was in his "why don't I sing like a Jewish Cantor" period. All reports allude to the fact that Bob has a great, if somewhat dry, sense of humour, but, there's having a laugh and then there's having the piss out of people. Suffice to say, 'twas not a great evening.

Led Zeppelin fall into the same category for me, in so much as I own their records, but, I am still waiting for the hammer (of the Gods) to fall. I still persevere and give the albums a spin every now and then, in the hope that all will be revealed. I know it's all a matter of taste and yadda yadda, but, there is one so called "Classic" Album that, I am afraid, will never reach me and that is "Horses" by Patti Smith. Many years and many spins later and I still reach the same conclusion - Shite!

You're past it, Son

Apologies for the recent dearth of output, but, the lack of my muse, coupled with the good weather has kept me away from 'Tinternet.

Anyhoo, what is about peoples obsession with sell by dates on food? We never had these when I was growing up, we just used our (common) senses. If it looked, smelt or felt bad, then chances are it was bad and it hit the trash accordingly. Nowadays, Mrs T is like a Stormtrooper where these dates are concerned. I can't believe that nobody has invented a reminder device that you attach to food and then it screams blue murder once the expiry date is reached. Then again, I never watch the Home Shopping channels (I am in gainful employment), so it probably does exist. Mrs T is not for changing and items who have outstayed their alloted timeshare in the fridge/food cupboard are quickly dispatched with great gusto - Do not pass Go, Do not collect £200 and Do not leave your disease ridden ass in my larder.

All of this "Zero Tolerance" stance, whilst very amusing, does have me slightly worried. Perhaps part of the reason for my recent bout of insomnia, is that I am scared that I may awake to find myself being dumped, headfirst into the trash can, whilst the good lady makes space for someone slightly fresher.

The supermarkets love Mrs T.

Top 10 Music Videos you want to be in

Who sucked out the Feeling: Superdrag
A bit of acting, coupled with the opportunity to throw in every cliched rock guitar hero jump under the sun. Oh, and it's also one of the best screams in a Rock Chorus. No wonder Dave Grohl is a fan.

Strawberry Fields Forever: The Beatles
Ok, not so much Video, but more Promo film I know, but, you still want to be one of the fab four just to see yourself leaping up into a tree.

I know it's Only Rock 'N' Roll: The Rolling Stones
Foam Party. Gavin and Stacey's cure for Heartbreak, no less.

Danger, High Voltage: Electric Six
Who amongst us could resist a chick whose Hooters light up? Oh, and it has a great opening line - "Fire in the Disco, Fire in the Taco Bell". I feel another Top 10 coming on.,..

Ernie: Benny Hill
In order to change the course of history and give "Two-Ton Ted from Teddington" a good shoe-ing, thus ensuring that Sue continues to provide Our Ernie with his Cocoa three times a week.

Here it comes again: OK Go
A really great, original spin on the Video dance routine by using Treadmills. I once saw them perform a dance routine to their C-C-C-Cinnamon Lips track, as an encore, and it brought the house down. Geek Alert: These dance routines always have the Bass player,Tim Nordwind, lip-synching to Vocalist Damian Kulash's lead vocals.

Baggy Trousers: Madness
The undeniable kings of the comedy video and anything that has a flying Saxophonist in it is ok in my book.

Steam: Peter Gabriel
Sliding up and down on a Bench in a Sauna accompanied by be-towelled Supermodels - what's not to like?

Once in a Lifetime: Talking Heads
You can't not do the "Throw your head backwards" dance when this song comes on in a club.

Sleep Now in Fire: Rage Against the Machine
How amped up would you have been if you had actually managed to cause the doors of the New York Stock Exchange to be closed. The Revoulution will not be Televised, indeed.

N.B. Due to copyright issues, YouTube has had to remove a sh*tload of videos and as such I have been unable to provide proper links for some videos. BooTube...

London Converse(ation)

Age brings many new experiences and among them, for me at least, was Plantar Fasciitis. Flat feet, fallen arches, call it what you will, but, I think it is a condition best described as "like having the soles of your feet beaten with lumps of 4" x 2" for hours on end". After many painful years I finally got them sorted out with the help of some (very) expensive custom made orthotics - insoles to you and I. As a result, two things have returned into my life;

1: The ability to run again (I'm entering the Windsor Half Marathon in september!)
2: The ability to wear Converse "Chuck Taylor" All Star trainers pain free.

Now, this may not seem like a fantastically healthy return on my hefty clog insert investment, but, I believe that Chuck's All Star's are the ultimate Rock 'n' Roll footwear. They look cool with everything from Jeans to Trousers to Shorts and, even, Suits - Hell Yeah! Every Rock Star has courted the "Chuck" at one time or another, and, if they haven't, then they are obviously not a Rock Star. Converse have taken on an almost mythical status among those in the know, so much so, that when I once spied a pristine pair of all-leather "Jack Purcells" (the older brother of the Chuck) in the corner of best pal Christov's room, he looked at me and, with just the hint of a smile on his face, said "For my Wedding". If he ever does trot down the aisle, I'd say it's a good each way bet that his feet will be adorned by said pair of "Jack's".